Most people around this time of year usually reflect on how the year was and what the new year could potentially bring.
2009 was an interesting year full of many lows and very few highs. The reasons for these are my own. We are the masters of our own fates and mine was no exception. I only got back what I put out and unfortunately it was a lot of negative energy. There were some external factors that contributed to this but they are only part of the reason. First , the beginning of 2009 was beginning of the worst recession we have seen in this 20th century. Wall street falling because the fat cats were blinded by money and forgot that what goes up, must come down. This was the start of my depression. I was in a job with people who liked to pass the buck and the blame. I worked for a company that had to quickly tell its employees they were laying people before the press announced it to the world. Once we were told, we were then told we would have to fight for jobs that would become available during the “re-organization”. If that didn’t make matters worse, my immediate boss decided to let her bipolar tendencies take over and yell at us for the slightest thing because she is being questioned about her methods. Going to that place made me physically ill. I would wake up and my stomach would be in knots and dry heaves just in fear of getting yelled at for nothing that was my fault. I was talking about it with my mom one morning and she advised me to quit. After about a 5 minutes, I did. I sent my boss an email and told her about her small she enjoys making people feel during a most trying time in there lives. I was on the verge of catching up on paying bills more timely and getting my feet back on the ground. I was out of work for 2 months applying everywhere and ended up getting interviews with the Container Store and JC Penney. I interviewed with both and had a call back to the container store but I did not follow-up and am now working at JC Penney. What they started me at has but me back at square one and I am now working on making decent budget to live and save. It has not been easy. My photography has fallen to the wayside because I no longer have the extra funds to pay for MUA, Hair and Styling. I am not the type to ask people work for free or TFCD, so when I ask someone to do that favor, I deeply appreciate it. I am also going back to school for Fashion Merchandising and while I am learning a lot, it is slowly dawning on me that I need to get back in to being corporate retail. I honestly enjoyed being behind the scenes in the retail environment. Storeline retail I did when I was younger when learning how to interact with customers but as I get older I realize my tolerance for customers wears very thin. I understand that they pay my salary but what I do not understand is how they do not know how to shop. How do ransack clothes and then be upset when things are mess? I feel some company should really teach people how to shop like someone who works in retail. Most people who work in retail do not disrespect other stores merchandise. It is almost like an unwritten code of respect among your fellow brethren.
Secondly, I have not been able to have the type of relationships with my friends that i used to have. I would be able to see them, have dinner, have coffee , talk with them. I mean I do not have the ability to hang out because funds are limited. My friends understand but I do not wish to be a burden or have them think oh we gotta pay her way every time we got out. That is really not a good standing to be in with people you consider your friends. I care and respect them too much.
Third, My Painful procrastination ability. While I can move fast on certain things, I am trying to figure out what my blockage is doing things that are really important. I have suffered this before on various things throughout my life and I am still pushing through these blockages. I wish sometimes I could shut out the world but thats immature and I try be mature of most things in my life.
What I will say are the highs this year are I still have friends in my life that i have had consistently for the past 10+ years. I have reconnected with friends and family via Facebook and I have made new ones. I still am relatively healthy .
Right now I am a huge holding pattern but it is a pattern of growth that I am seeing and I hope to come out a better person for it.
The change that will take place in 2010 is one decision I made last year is to find a place to live by March. That is one of my goals and it will be accomplished.