End O Year –2012

Evening My Great People. It is that time again. We are about to ring in a new year here in NYC and As always it causes time of reflection. 2012 was a definite up and down year and I really learned much about myself. I also learned to finally not to be afraid of what to ask for in this life. Sometimes, our fears are self imposed that we stall ourselves. I realized I need to speak up and stop playing the back and let the world take over. I will not be a bitch but self respect, always good. I realized that though some people in this world are asshats, I have better vision in seeing them. I am proud that I finally made sure to get comfy in my skin and be happy. I know it is hard to be happy but dammit I will just be. I made a decision to to move out of NYC. As I get older, I realize that I do not want to grow old in NYC. The world itself is not too kind to people who get up in years so I need to be somewhere I can get at least some level of respect as I give it back to them. I have such a wonderful feeling in my heart for my future. For once, my heart and gut are in agreement. It is nice when that happens. When it happens to you, it will be elation. Remember, you are the writer, director and producer of your life. 2013 will be as good or as bad as you allow it. I know things are sometimes uncontrollable but your reaction to them to determine how the rest will play out.

Be good to you and be the change you want to see. I plan to be.

See you in 2013.

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Words swallowed by the mind

NYC

Even though I live in the one of the most loudest cities in the world, I cannot help but be silent at times. I love to watch people and I love to be silent. I realized that around certain people I can get very excited and talk a lot but for the most part, I am silent.  Silence is golden and you learn much about people in the process. I have realized lately that when I am quiet, it can unnerve some including myself. The reason for this is because my mind is constantly thinking. I may not be mensa material, I consider myself to be no slouch in the intelligence department. I think sometimes, I was handed an even percentage of book sense and common sense. It does fluctuate from time to time but for the most part pretty even keel. Since I am a Libra ( and by the way , I love astrology), we are considered thinking types, love interacting with people and sometimes thought to be a it cold in expressing our feelings and too wishy washy when it comes to making decisions.

Sometimes I can see this but most of my life has been growing up around adults and pretty much watching adult behaviors ( not the nasty ones). Adults always will be different from children and being an only child, I sometimes felt older than my peers.  Sure I had a childhood but some childlike behaviors I could not fully grasp.

To this day, I can respect holding on to child items and what may be consider childish behaviors. After all, being an adult requires having some level of responsibility and we all know how sometimes that can bog us down.

To get back on track about this post, I realize how much of my speech I actually do not say. I can actually play out scenarios in my mind of how the interaction will go if I say this, so I don’t say. I self edit like crazy. While it can be a pain, I do know many Hyper sensitive people and let’s face it, All humans are. We can’t handle truths. We don’t want our flaws pointed out. We get defensive and down right ugly when people say anything we don’t agree with.  My mom stated today it seems people want more yes men and yes women rather than real friends. She has a point. I mean hell we have to live in society where we have to be told things that should be second nature. Example. My boyfriend has a prescription that specifically tells him, it has to be take by the mouth. What other way should we take pills???? I mean let’s get real. Sometimes, I swear this generation of humans are softer versions of what we once were and though we can blame food, government, tv, movies and such, it is not true. We want to be able to think for ourselves but we have basically allowed ourselves to become lazy  yet we don’t want machines running our lives when in essence, they kinda do. Hell, I do not know too many people that can even remember what a library is and doing research that does not involve using Google or Wikipedia.

truth is I self edit with everyone as I am sure some do with me but not all the time. I seem to be one of those that people can tell the honest truth to and they just wait for my reaction. I have learned to control my temper and realize to look at from where it is coming from. If I respect ya, I will digest and listen. If I don’t I listen, digest and then try and figure why you thought it was ok to talk to me like that. Either way, information is digested and then my opinion forms of the individual, whether confirming or changing.

Not like this is a warning to any of my friends. Most of them I can tell the truth to and await their response but even then, I know better.