Not everyone deserves a second chance…. only a chosen few

Life is full of ups and downs.  As most of y’all have read,  I am going through a relationship issue. Now I know, all relationships have issues. Some bigger than others.  In my relationship issue, it was question of trust. Now, it is not the baby mama drama or he cheated on me like a Jerry Springer episode. It was a question of trusting me with his feelings.  I have trust issues sometimes because people talk a lot of bull shit.  People love to say things just to try to keep people in line or in check. In a relationship, you have to open yourself to someone else or you just playing like you’re in one.  I know there are some people in relationship for the sake of not being alone but how is that fair to the other person.

I decided to give my boyfriend after the break a second chance. Why? Because he knew I loved him for who he was.  Even with his faults ( no one is perfect) I still love him. I know I am not perfect but I trusted him with my heart and I want him to do the same.  Even though in the back of my mind I wonder if he will push me away again, when I talked with him from the very beginning of the relationship all I wanted was honest and open communication  and someone to really spend time with.  I do not have to young girl expectations of marriage.  Now I just want to be with someone who makes me happy and that I can make happy and be in a committed relationship. Marriage these days is slightly overrated and it should not be considered the end game when in a relationship.  There are so many self help books of timetables of when things should happen in a relationship  but only you can determine that.

Right now, im happy. When we were on our break, I was sad but my life was not empty. I am just happier now that we are back together. I think once people develop a solid sense of self, your relationships will be a hell of a lot better

Love ya hunny


Living your Life without regrets

Yesterday I went out with a friend I have not seen in about 10 years. This was due to life. I moved on from the job where we worked together and she being the free spirit she is was traveling and for the last 2 years was living and thriving. Unfortunate circumstances brought her back to NY and I am glad I had a chance to reconnect. As she was telling me about her travels, she brought out something I have not thought of in a long time. I made a list of places a long time ago which I wanted to visit (Spain, Portugal, France, Italy and Japan). All these places I wanted to go and roam because they still have remnants of their past that are still alive and well even in these modern times. I did not want to be the typical tourist. I want to see things not on the beaten path. But with how things are these days, everyone is fearful and such. But after talking with her, I realized we are only afraid because we choose to be. So I am planning to go to Japan and Korea. I was surfing the net and saw there are all these wonderful tours in both countries. So why not? Now I know funds are tight but why not put out in the cosmos this is one of things I want do. Who knows? I could when the lotto tomorrow and be well on my way ( of course after paying off everything I want) 🙂 sometimes we always put certain dreams or goals on the back burner because we are faced with harsh realities. But if the secret has taught me anything its is that everything is possible as long as we believe so I am making this dream part of my reality.

Diary of a tired Black Man

I had the pleasure of watching this movie today and just trying to absorb all the information within. The movie is basically about the trials and tribulations black men have when dealing with black women.  The movie was scripted but there were also real life interviews with everyday people to find out why there is such a huge disconnect with black men and black women. I was watching this with my mom and needless to say some things that some people said hit a nerve with me and my mom. My major issue with the movie was the huge one sidedness and one mindness of it all. It is not just about black men dealing with black women, it’s about men dealing with women. The filmmaker only touched upon that point close to the end of the film. There are a lot of reasons why black women may be angry with black men and vice versa. We have a huge history of being taken away from each other and being beat down just for the color of our skin. Then we have stereotypes of the black man in jail, dealing drugs and basically not being a well-functioning part of society and then we have stereotypes of the screaming black woman who walks around with an attitude at all times and doesn’t need anyone. Angry baby mama ho feels cheated cause her black man decided that someone outside her race was better than her. That is the problem. These are stereotypes but let’s wake up.  I do not know anybody in relationship that has not had issue with their significant other. This movie had black men telling how young women are taught to not trust black men because their mothers raised them that way and how they just want peace when they get home. Not to yelled at or screamed at. But Black women just don’t that. Every woman does that. When a woman is angry , hell hath no fury. Everyone should know this by now.  Now there were some people who were very insightful in the sense of why these things happen, some admitted to just looking at the outside instead of finding out the person within. Some admitted they had issues with how they were raised. Some ladies admitted that some black women were angry because they were insecure within themselves.  The movie was about a black man who married a black woman who did nothing but complain and give him grief. Even when the man cooked her and their daughter breakfast, she accused him of sleeping around. Again another stereotype that men will only do something nice for you because they have done something wrong.

Truth is everyone is insecure and everyone has issues. What should happen is both men and women need to have someone teach them to respect each other. Respect seems to be lost in this day and age. We seemed to have lost all manners when it comes to dealing with people. Can’t say excuse me and just utter loss of values.  We always let past hurts dictate how our future relationships should be but we are all not the same.

Some people are genuine , respectful, loyal, and overall nice.  They just want to have someone to share their lives with and even with ups and downs, still have a healthy respect for each other.  In the end he found someone who appreciated him for who he was and isn’t that really what we all want no matter what our race is.

Cause you dont know what you’ve got till its gone

The saying above is very true. We never realize what we have until we don’t have it anymore. Just like watching post apocalyptic movies like Book Of Eli and the Matrix and those of that genre, human beings never miss something till they no longer have it. We like to take people and things for granted till the people or things leave us whether by choice or the angel of death decides to pay a visit. I did not realize what I had till it was gone. I had 2 people in my life that I have not talked to in years suddenly come back. Now we did not part ways badly, it was a matter of distance and basically life getting in the way. It was nice to hear from these strong women again because I cherish their friendship and their wisdom. They both came back just in time of my transition. They both had advice for me which I totally respect. One told me to stay true to my heart and really listen and the other advised to never burn bridges because we are never sure of what the future holds. True, cause just how people leave your life, if they were meant to be in it again, they will. Sometimes, separation is needed just to get a clearer picture of the path ahead of you. My life is not in shambles but I have been majorly hurt and disappointed. But I am not going to let this cloud my judgment or make me bitter. I have always realized people grow on their own and change on their own. Sometimes, they just need someone to give them that push and then the person is gone. Remember, people are in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. We don’t have control of when they come and we definitely don’t have control when they go. Just try and remember any good they may have brought to it and any lessons they may have taught.

Stay true to your word

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Sometimes it boggles my mind why people do unnecessary lip service. Over my entire life I have heard or had to deal with unnecessary lip service. My definition of lip service is basically saying things you honestly don’t mean. Stop lying!! I know in the workplace sometimes we put on fronts just to deal with people but on a personal level, why are you lying… Especially to me. I have always been honest with people I deal with on personal level. It is not because I want to always hurt their feelings cause some truths are not hurtful but I do not say things I don’t mean. I have no time to gas up your head or stroke your ego. I made a promise to myself to always try something new and within reason. I know their are those that just go out there and do whatever and while I applaud those brave souls, I know I am not that brave. I will listen to new music and see how it touches my spirit. I will go to museums and learn about anything I can. I try and make new friends to not only learn about them but learn what makes them tick. But I am not going to lie to you. Currently I am going a cycle of putting myself out there to find someone who I can vibe with. As you read from my prior entries, I’m out in the dating world. I have had contact with some pretty great guys in words ( I have yet to meet them) but so far so good. Now while I know the world gets busy and time seems to slip through our fingers, truth is if you really are thinking about someone, you will send a msg of some sort just so they know you are a thought. If I don’t really hear from someone after a day, I let them go. Why? Is a day not long enough? Of course a day is long enough. There are 24 hrs in it so not sending a response no bueno. Also, I tried chasing after guys and they don’t like it, so why chase. If you can’t have the decency to take time out to say hi, then I guess I wasn’t that important. Also, if you aren’t interested anymore, you can say so. I rather you be up front than have me blowing in the wind. Actions always speak louder than words. So I say to world end the lip service, tell the truth and make everyone’s life a lil easier. Thanks