Not everyone deserves a second chance…. only a chosen few

Life is full of ups and downs.  As most of y’all have read,  I am going through a relationship issue. Now I know, all relationships have issues. Some bigger than others.  In my relationship issue, it was question of trust. Now, it is not the baby mama drama or he cheated on me like a Jerry Springer episode. It was a question of trusting me with his feelings.  I have trust issues sometimes because people talk a lot of bull shit.  People love to say things just to try to keep people in line or in check. In a relationship, you have to open yourself to someone else or you just playing like you’re in one.  I know there are some people in relationship for the sake of not being alone but how is that fair to the other person.

I decided to give my boyfriend after the break a second chance. Why? Because he knew I loved him for who he was.  Even with his faults ( no one is perfect) I still love him. I know I am not perfect but I trusted him with my heart and I want him to do the same.  Even though in the back of my mind I wonder if he will push me away again, when I talked with him from the very beginning of the relationship all I wanted was honest and open communication  and someone to really spend time with.  I do not have to young girl expectations of marriage.  Now I just want to be with someone who makes me happy and that I can make happy and be in a committed relationship. Marriage these days is slightly overrated and it should not be considered the end game when in a relationship.  There are so many self help books of timetables of when things should happen in a relationship  but only you can determine that.

Right now, im happy. When we were on our break, I was sad but my life was not empty. I am just happier now that we are back together. I think once people develop a solid sense of self, your relationships will be a hell of a lot better

Love ya hunny

Living your Life without regrets

Yesterday I went out with a friend I have not seen in about 10 years. This was due to life. I moved on from the job where we worked together and she being the free spirit she is was traveling and for the last 2 years was living and thriving. Unfortunate circumstances brought her back to NY and I am glad I had a chance to reconnect. As she was telling me about her travels, she brought out something I have not thought of in a long time. I made a list of places a long time ago which I wanted to visit (Spain, Portugal, France, Italy and Japan). All these places I wanted to go and roam because they still have remnants of their past that are still alive and well even in these modern times. I did not want to be the typical tourist. I want to see things not on the beaten path. But with how things are these days, everyone is fearful and such. But after talking with her, I realized we are only afraid because we choose to be. So I am planning to go to Japan and Korea. I was surfing the net and saw there are all these wonderful tours in both countries. So why not? Now I know funds are tight but why not put out in the cosmos this is one of things I want do. Who knows? I could when the lotto tomorrow and be well on my way ( of course after paying off everything I want) 🙂 sometimes we always put certain dreams or goals on the back burner because we are faced with harsh realities. But if the secret has taught me anything its is that everything is possible as long as we believe so I am making this dream part of my reality.

Diary of a tired Black Man

I had the pleasure of watching this movie today and just trying to absorb all the information within. The movie is basically about the trials and tribulations black men have when dealing with black women.  The movie was scripted but there were also real life interviews with everyday people to find out why there is such a huge disconnect with black men and black women. I was watching this with my mom and needless to say some things that some people said hit a nerve with me and my mom. My major issue with the movie was the huge one sidedness and one mindness of it all. It is not just about black men dealing with black women, it’s about men dealing with women. The filmmaker only touched upon that point close to the end of the film. There are a lot of reasons why black women may be angry with black men and vice versa. We have a huge history of being taken away from each other and being beat down just for the color of our skin. Then we have stereotypes of the black man in jail, dealing drugs and basically not being a well-functioning part of society and then we have stereotypes of the screaming black woman who walks around with an attitude at all times and doesn’t need anyone. Angry baby mama ho feels cheated cause her black man decided that someone outside her race was better than her. That is the problem. These are stereotypes but let’s wake up.  I do not know anybody in relationship that has not had issue with their significant other. This movie had black men telling how young women are taught to not trust black men because their mothers raised them that way and how they just want peace when they get home. Not to yelled at or screamed at. But Black women just don’t that. Every woman does that. When a woman is angry , hell hath no fury. Everyone should know this by now.  Now there were some people who were very insightful in the sense of why these things happen, some admitted to just looking at the outside instead of finding out the person within. Some admitted they had issues with how they were raised. Some ladies admitted that some black women were angry because they were insecure within themselves.  The movie was about a black man who married a black woman who did nothing but complain and give him grief. Even when the man cooked her and their daughter breakfast, she accused him of sleeping around. Again another stereotype that men will only do something nice for you because they have done something wrong.

Truth is everyone is insecure and everyone has issues. What should happen is both men and women need to have someone teach them to respect each other. Respect seems to be lost in this day and age. We seemed to have lost all manners when it comes to dealing with people. Can’t say excuse me and just utter loss of values.  We always let past hurts dictate how our future relationships should be but we are all not the same.

Some people are genuine , respectful, loyal, and overall nice.  They just want to have someone to share their lives with and even with ups and downs, still have a healthy respect for each other.  In the end he found someone who appreciated him for who he was and isn’t that really what we all want no matter what our race is.

Cause you dont know what you’ve got till its gone

The saying above is very true. We never realize what we have until we don’t have it anymore. Just like watching post apocalyptic movies like Book Of Eli and the Matrix and those of that genre, human beings never miss something till they no longer have it. We like to take people and things for granted till the people or things leave us whether by choice or the angel of death decides to pay a visit. I did not realize what I had till it was gone. I had 2 people in my life that I have not talked to in years suddenly come back. Now we did not part ways badly, it was a matter of distance and basically life getting in the way. It was nice to hear from these strong women again because I cherish their friendship and their wisdom. They both came back just in time of my transition. They both had advice for me which I totally respect. One told me to stay true to my heart and really listen and the other advised to never burn bridges because we are never sure of what the future holds. True, cause just how people leave your life, if they were meant to be in it again, they will. Sometimes, separation is needed just to get a clearer picture of the path ahead of you. My life is not in shambles but I have been majorly hurt and disappointed. But I am not going to let this cloud my judgment or make me bitter. I have always realized people grow on their own and change on their own. Sometimes, they just need someone to give them that push and then the person is gone. Remember, people are in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. We don’t have control of when they come and we definitely don’t have control when they go. Just try and remember any good they may have brought to it and any lessons they may have taught.

Stay true to your word

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piggy

Sometimes it boggles my mind why people do unnecessary lip service. Over my entire life I have heard or had to deal with unnecessary lip service. My definition of lip service is basically saying things you honestly don’t mean. Stop lying!! I know in the workplace sometimes we put on fronts just to deal with people but on a personal level, why are you lying… Especially to me. I have always been honest with people I deal with on personal level. It is not because I want to always hurt their feelings cause some truths are not hurtful but I do not say things I don’t mean. I have no time to gas up your head or stroke your ego. I made a promise to myself to always try something new and within reason. I know their are those that just go out there and do whatever and while I applaud those brave souls, I know I am not that brave. I will listen to new music and see how it touches my spirit. I will go to museums and learn about anything I can. I try and make new friends to not only learn about them but learn what makes them tick. But I am not going to lie to you. Currently I am going a cycle of putting myself out there to find someone who I can vibe with. As you read from my prior entries, I’m out in the dating world. I have had contact with some pretty great guys in words ( I have yet to meet them) but so far so good. Now while I know the world gets busy and time seems to slip through our fingers, truth is if you really are thinking about someone, you will send a msg of some sort just so they know you are a thought. If I don’t really hear from someone after a day, I let them go. Why? Is a day not long enough? Of course a day is long enough. There are 24 hrs in it so not sending a response no bueno. Also, I tried chasing after guys and they don’t like it, so why chase. If you can’t have the decency to take time out to say hi, then I guess I wasn’t that important. Also, if you aren’t interested anymore, you can say so. I rather you be up front than have me blowing in the wind. Actions always speak louder than words. So I say to world end the lip service, tell the truth and make everyone’s life a lil easier. Thanks

Today is the day I screamed hello to the world

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cotton candy

The Color Complex

I went to Barnes and Noble on saturday and picked up a book titled ” The color Complex”, the politics of skin color among african americans.  The book basically researches about the self hate black have against blacks when it comes to the differences in the color of our skin. The book documents how and why racism due to color of skin came about. After reading this book, I feel off.  I knew black people had problems with color but I never knew how much deep it went.  This is one of the reasons why I love to read.  I picked up this book randomly but I have new information now comfortably sitting in my mind.  What I learned is that the light-skinned black people were during slave times brainwashed to believe they were better therefore making dark-skinned people feel completely inferior.

In this day and age , some light-skinned black people still feel the need to prove they are black. This self hate from slave days should not be part of us now. I know we still have older generations still around who have old ways of thinking but black people have enough issues without keeping color issues to be part of them.

Even though I am light-skinned, I never felt  I was better than dark-skinned black people. I always felt comfortable with being black. I can not help my genetics. Who knew I would come out this way. My mom did not raise me to look at different skin colors and be against them. I like to get to know people before I make a judgement call. Color of your skin is something no one has true control over so to really not like someone over it is extremely ignorant.

The book is actually a pretty solid read and I am actually glad to have it in my personal library.

Back to the dating pool

 

Well unfortunately or maybe fortunately( depending on how you look at it) , I am back into the dating pool . Being a single lady in NYC in my 30’s seems a little daunting right now. I am black, single, have no kids, work full time , take online classes to get my second bachelor’s degree and make time for my friends and family.  Sounds like a personal ad I know but that is my life right now.  I have never been the bar hopping type and I know I’m not cool enough to to do speed dating so I have created profiles on match.com, Chemistry.com and interracial dating.  This to me is what my dating life has come to and honestly I’m not upset about it. You can read and learn about what people are and what they like without actually having to meet them to find these things out prior. Also what makes it great is if you may not find that person attractive, you don’t have to tell them to their face and vice versa.  As from my prior post My love for Asian men, I am learning that black women are low on the totem when it comes to dating for various reasons. It seems we are not good enough or worthy to date. WOW was my first reaction to reading about this. I guess I was blind to the fact that I am part of a non desirable set.  It seems that Caucasian , Asian and Hispanic/Latin women have a huge edge over me when it comes to getting a date. Here I am thinking it is my height that scares men (6’1″). Instead it is because of the race I am.  Sad state the world is in if that is the case. I guess being raised to be strong and independent in the sense of taking care of oneself is a turn off. I admit I come from a one parent home and I have been raised by women but when it comes to men, I have dated and learned. I used to beat myself up thinking I was too strong but now I realize this is part of me. I can be loud but I am also very introspective. I sometimes surprise myself with how quiet i can be an let my thoughts roam. I have always felt comfortable in my own skin and being on my own but as with all humans, you do want to share your life with someone. But these days, I am doing things that make me happy and fill my heart with joy.  I have finally learned not to be afraid of love and love like new each time. I am not blindly going into relationships but I each one I learned new about what I want. What my last relationship taught me is that there are still gentlemen out there, men who are capable of not being afraid to hold hands, to worry about their significant other, to be happy with talking about anything from trivial to serious. Those who dont mind their girl taking them out, who dont mind taking out their lady, open and honest about whats in their hearts. I have a huge respect for people who are truly honest with themselves and other people.  Since I am open minded, I do expect the guy I go out with to be the same.  So I look forward to the next man that man upstairs puts in my path and learning about them and ultimately more about myself. This joruney called life is wonderful and challenging and I plan on meeting them head on 🙂

There is a special place in my heart for Asian Men

Now before anybody gets their bowels in an uproar and start griping, please let me explain. I am an african american female who for the past 33 ( soon to be 34 years) has always been open to learning about people.  My dating life started around the age of 16 when my first bf (believe it or not) was japanese. When I first started going out with him, I did not think anything of it and the people around us did not seem to have a problem. This began my love for not only asian men but all asian cultures. I have always been fascinated by most cultures because what better way to learn about people than to know where they came from.  Throughout my dating life, I have dated white men, black men and asian men. I have actually had the 3 asian boyfriends and 3 black boyfriends. Not that  I planned it that way but that the way it played out.  Now while I am not so naive to think I was the only black woman who loved asian men, it surprised to find out what the ramifications are when dating them. I googled search about asian men and black women and found all this information and YouTube videos about how people feel about this particular dating structure. What I found was really shocking to me.  People give these people strange looks, how each races family feels about it,how their friends felt about and so on.  I even came across a discussion board where a young black lady posted are there any asian guys out there that like black women? Next thing you know, someone posts I will assume a black guy says, what you need is a black man.  Really?!?!?!?  How can you honestly say that she needs a black man?  We have no idea what she needs and if she is attracted to asian men, then leave your bs opinions to yourself. Who are we to judge?  I understand completely that dating within your race gives you a better comfort level but you cannot help who you like. I have read about how asian men are slighted because they are short and their own women don’t want them. That they are too shy, too reserved, not confident and such so asian women date or go out with white men. Now  I being born and raised in NYC, I can tell you have seen more asian/asian couples than Asian and white couples so I am really not sure where they found the Asian ladies to ask.  I rarely see any asian couples that aren’t asian/asian or asian/white. What also came out googling this was that stereotypical misconception that Asian ladies are quiet and demure and submissive. UM NO. I have known quite a few lovely and feisty Asian ladies who can hold their own with their lives and with their mates.  But during my 15 years dating life I have had multiple crushes on Asian guys and have dated Japanese, Chinese and Filipino so I guess I may be ahead of the curve.  My only problem now is actually finding an Asian guy that is tall that would want to date a tall african american woman. Could it happen? Possibly I mean this city is big enough but I leave up to the universe. Will that stop me from dating other races? Nope. I realized a long time ago that love comes in different packages. You can’t help who you are attracted too. What still boggles my mind is with the huge amount of mixed children, why is dating outside your race still an issue. I have learned to just follow my heart.

Comic and Anime Con – NYC

Well This is my second time going to comic con and My first time at Anime con. First things first.  This convention is a huge Fanboy/Fangirl Haven. Secondly, it is not for nerds only. I really do not know why we even use that word anymore because everyone is a bit of nerd. We all have things we “geek” Out about. Like people who live and breathe fashion( you are a fashion geek) , the tech heads, Movie buff, and so on.  When I first started walking, at first I only saw groups of guys walking together. Almost like they are on a LOTR journey. By the time I arrived to Jacob Javitz, the throngs of people and the line to get in were quite ridonk. There were plenty of chubby boys, ultra skinny boys, Chubby girls, ultra skinny girls, real young kids, real old people. Get my drift. Almost the whole world and age, social and economic demographic is in this building. There was a line to get in line to get to the convention floor. Though it may seem convoluted, believe it is the best way. Some people just don’t know how to act. I was there with my BF and his brother-in-law and by the time we got to floor, the massiveness of it all can be overwhelming. Luckily for me, I am not a huge fan of just one thing so I didn’t mind walking around and browsing.  I got to see the new MJ Dance game for the Wii. Great for the Die hard Michael Jackson fan and people who love to dance. OF COURSE MARVEL and DC had the most phenomenal booths. We walked around all over that convention center which by the way , great exercise.

While I did not see as many anime costumes that I would I have liked, The costumes I did see were enough. While there were amazing ones, Chewbacca, Storm trooper, desert trooper and predator, there were plenty of other costumes that people really should have never put on. I know you people love these movies and these animes but for the love of god, if you don’t have the funds or the body to get a decent costume or decent body for it, leave it home. In New York, most people don’t care but in a place like that the whole point really is authenticity. Walking around a spandex nightmare hot mess so not cute. Also what exactly is it with the big wings, big ass weapons and then not paying attention to the fact that you have these big ass things and beating people with them. But I digress. Overall, Comic Con is truly amazing and just Good fun.

Glad I made it home in one piece.